Emotional preparations for the next steps

Providing for a baby and allowing the baby to develop in an environment which is trauma free and sensitive to the baby’s needs (not only physical but also psychological needs) is a daunting task. On this journey, all aspects of the parent, physical as well as psychological, and one may even say spiritual, are tested at various stages. 

For us to keep the environment nurturing for the child, the journey demands that we introspect and work through our own shadows. 

Look at this as an example. A parent who was regularly hit as a child may resolve to never hit their own child but may find their hands raised at their child at some intense moment. This may then take them on a long trip of guilt. 

Many of us find that our children, in their most unique ways, bring out problems addressing exactly what we need to work on ourselves. Many of us find that our maladapted ways of coping or handling our emotions are internalised by our children.

• If I experience overwhelming anger and I shout or throw things around, I may find my child handling their anger in exactly the same way
• If I have difficulty trusting others, I may find my child struggling with the same
• If I hold my anger in and express it in passive ways, I may find my child behaving passive aggressive
• If I cannot say ‘no’ to people, I may find my child experiencing same social pressures
• If I cannot help but feel competitive with others, I may find my child being competitive or feeling the emotion of jealousy

It is how many thought and behaviour patterns are transferred from generation to generation. (more on generational patterns in upcoming posts)

In order to be efficient in providing your child with a safe, nurturing and free environment to build their foundation of life, it’s important to identify what you need to deal with in your personal life and close relationships. One can reach out to a friend who may guide them or a self-help book or an expert whose content is available online or professionals such as parenting coaches or counsellors who can support you through this process.

Let’s take responsibility for the baggage that belongs to us and let’s not allow it to affect our children.

Activity:

• Identify an aspect of yourself which needs to be dealt with (we all are aware of these aspects and have mostly procrastinated dealing with them for later times)
• Identify an aspect of your relationship with your partner or the other caregiver which needs to be dealt with
• Identify people around you, professionals or trusted friends or your partner or mentors or self-help books or experts who can support you through this process. Make sure the people you take help from are oriented towards forming a trauma free and nurturing environment for any child.