Fulfilling the basic need of feeling seen and valued
Think about a person with whom you feel heard and seen, a person who gets you. Think about the safety or relief or freedom or acceptance or love or warmth you feel in the presence of them. If you can’t think of anyone in your reality, imagine a person like that. What does this person do and doesn’t do to make you feel that way? Do they judge what you share? Do they listen to you deeply? Do they pay attention to the details you share? Do they keep their phone away when you speak to them? Do they make you feel special?
Do they empathise with you? Do they pay attention to your emotions? Do they pay attention to your thoughts? Do they understand your discomfort and pain? Do they respect your discomfort and pain? Do they dismiss your discomfort and pain? Do they doubt you? Do they threaten you? We can go on asking such questions.
Feeling seen/valued/understood is one of the most basic emotional needs of all humans. Did you feel all that growing up? Think about what a difference it would make to the experience of life if your child’s this particular need is fulfilled.
Observe your interactions with your child. Identify aspects that hinder your capacity to make your child feel heard and valued and understood. What immediate actions can you take to fix that?