Harmless lies?
Have you lied to your child?
Perhaps your child wanted to watch a video on your phone and you told your child that your phone was not with you or the bird took it away?
Perhaps your child wanted to switch on the TV or the fan or the light for the nth time and you told your child that there was no electricity anymore?
Perhaps your child wanted candy and you had it but you told them that it was over?
The list is endless.
Children are told most lies, most casually.
Of course for the convenience of adults.
Have you noticed that the child as young as two years old can KNOW that these things we say are not true? Even when the lies are ‘seemingly’ harmless, even when they bring the adults a lot of convenience in the short run, even when it’s normalised everywhere, here are the reasons why we shouldn’t lie to our children.
At such a young age, our interactions with children build their perceptions of what’s real and what can happen in this world and how this world works. Why confuse the child?
A large part of what children learn is through their observations. As a result, they recognise that what we tell them is not always true or we don’t abide by what we say. This holds them back from trusting us fully. The safety that is felt by a child in the presence of a caregiver they trust is one of the most crucial aspects of wellbeing and resilience when they grow up.
They learn that it is okay to lie if one feels that the lie is harmless (but who decides that? the lie may not be harmless for others) and it is okay to lie if it brings momentary convenience to us. In that case these seemingly harmless lies in a way sow the seeds of deception which may be exercised against the parents themselves at a later stage.
(This one is spiritual) When we decide never to lie to our child, we get an opportunity to consciously stay authentic to how we express ourselves, we get to observe and correct our authenticity, we get to imbibe honesty and integrity and also model them for our child.
Note: However idealistic/unrealistic it may sound, it IS possible to not lie to a child. We can always choose what not to share. Once we decide to not lie, the different sharable aspects of the truth become visible to us.
Activity:
Observe your interactions with your child for a day. Make a note of all the small or big things you say to them which do not align to reality.
Next day, try to correct yourself by saying things that align with reality.