Rules of a tantrum

Remember a time when you were deeply hurt by something someone did or said. Remember a time when you were in tears or deeply upset or angry, so much so that you are not able to handle your emotions. What if someone came to you at that moment and asked you to stop giving your reaction (which you cannot control) right at that moment? What if someone said that they had warned you about this and how you should have listened to them earlier? What if someone came to you and said stop this drama? Or that you are doing this just to get attention? Or this is not good manners? Or that people will laugh at you for giving this reaction? Or that you are too sensitive? Or that you should be stronger and the reaction makes you weak? Or started lecturing you on good and bad behaviour?

Would any of it help you calm down? Or would it intensify your reaction? Or would it make you suppress your emotions and numb yourself to put up a more acceptable face?

What if instead someone just sat with you and told you that all that you feel is valid and that they are with you till the time you need them to be or till the time you calm down?

Based on this, can we choose what we say to our child when the child feels emotions intensely and reacts by crying or showing anger?

When the child is crying, the child is in expression mode. The child is not receptive at that moment. Can we hold off our lessons for when the child calms down? Can we help our child calm down so that we can have conversations which have the potential to create a difference?

Activity:

Observe how you respond when your child expresses emotions- anger, sadness, shame etc

Observe what effect your reactions have- do they help the child calm down, do they ask the child to suppress and numb themselves or do they trigger the child further?

Observe and exercise what helps your child calm down when they are overwhelmed.