This matters more than how much you love your child

Do you love your child?

Needless to answer.

Does your child know how much you love them?

To paraphrase Dr Gabor Mate, it doesn’t matter how much love you send to your child, what matters is how much of that love does the child receive.

Does the child ‘feel’ loved?

Does that child think that they are loved at all times?

Does the child know it in their body, mind, heart that they are loved?

All parents deeply love their children but are they gentle when they comb their child’s hair? Are they gentle when they bathe the child? Are they loving when they feed the child? Are they respectful when they treat their child?

Are the parents who love their child patient when the child expresses emotions or discomfort? Are they patient and loving when they are in a hurry? Are they patient when the child is having a difficult day?

Do these parents who love their child deeply, send a message to the child that the child is loved only if the child ‘behaves’ or do they make sure that the child knows that the child is loved even when the child doesn’t obey the parent or even when the child expresses anger or even when the child doesn’t share? Is it conveyed to the child that their actions can be liked or disliked but they themselves are always loved?

To reiterate, what matters more is how much of your love does the child perceive from you.

Align your actions, words, emotions and yourself so that the child receives the immense and overwhelming love you feel for your child. The feeling of receiving love actively lifts the quality of your child’s present and future life.

Note: Too much love spoils a child is an absolute misconception. Here love is misunderstood as being permissive.

Activity:

• Observe your interactions with your child and make note of when you sense harshness.
• Ask yourself, how can I do the same activity in a way it reflects love in actions, words and thoughts?
• Observe your interactions with yourself (your self-talk/ the way you treat yourself) and make note of when you sense harshness.
• Ask yourself, how can I do the same activity/ self-talk/ treatment to self in a way it reflects love in actions, words and thoughts?
• Make sure you tell your child multiple times that they are loved no matter what.